Update after asking ChatGPT to challenge my thinking. It said: what you may be missing is balance: fear is not always social, cooperation is not always virtuous, empathy must be mutual, insight does not guarantee action, and suffering reduction is not the only organizing principle of human life.
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The world is largely about reducing suffering. One of the most effective ways to do that is by cooperating with others. Yet cooperation is difficult, not because it is complex, but because it requires us to confront our emotions.
People are at the center of our experience. Without other people, we would be inert—like rocks. It is through people that we experience meaning, attachment, and also suffering. We are rarely attached to things; we are attached to people. And it is our relationships with them that shape most of our emotional lives.
What prevents cooperation is often fear. Fear of what others might think. Fear of rejection. Fear of losing someone’s respect, affection, or trust.
Fear is commonly defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” But in practice, we are rarely afraid of something; we are almost always afraid of someone. Afraid of their reaction, their judgment, or their withdrawal.
Consider being late. On the surface, we may feel angry at the circumstances—traffic, delays, bad luck. But underneath, the real fear is social: how the people waiting for us will react. Will they be annoyed? Disappointed? Hurt? The emotion is not about time; it is about people.
Recognizing this matters because it allows us to shift our focus. Once we understand our own feelings—what we are feeling and why—we can begin to understand the feelings of others.
If I am late, the question stops being “How does this make me feel?” and becomes “How does this make them feel?” Why is it important to them that I am on time? What does my lateness communicate from their perspective?
When I understand that, cooperation becomes easier and more natural. I might choose to be more punctual, or to call in advance. The motivation is no longer self-protection, but care for others. I act not to avoid discomfort for myself, but to reduce discomfort for them.
So when you feel anger or frustration, pause. Ask yourself: what is the fear underneath this feeling? Why does that fear exist? Then turn your attention outward. What might the other person be feeling, and why? If you are unsure, ask.
By doing this, cooperation becomes less about managing situations and more about understanding people. And through that understanding, we can reduce suffering—both theirs and our own.